Hosting people in your home brings people together, is a gift to those you are hosting, and deepens relationships – among other things. But, hosting dinner parties can be stressful, especially if cooking isn’t your strong suite. We dabble in making food but most certainly are not chefs. That hasn’t stopped us from hosting people or having dinner parties. People are in your home and you are cooking for them, they are generally going to be very forgiving. But, we think these recipes are not only easy to make but guaranteed fan favorites so it should be easy to pull off if you’re a team of 2 and have up to 20 guests. People are also forgiving of your space. We’ve hosted people since college. No matter the space, there is the ability to host. And, that kind gesture pays dividends.
Who, What, Where, When
You should curate your attendee list well before the dinner and give people ample notice. This gives you the luxury to change the date if needed, get your home ready, and think through the dinner process to make sure you can execute the day of.
Why are you doing this?
Do you want to deepen new relationships? Bridge gaps in your friend groups? Celebrate a milestone? Figure out WHY you are having the party. That will help dictate who you want to invite, what you are meeting about, if there is anything you want to cover in the dinner as far as conversations are concerned, etc.
I am not a big fan of themes, they generally are underwhelming so don’t take this to mean you should pick out a theme where you’ll get matching decor, themed food, etc. It rarely works well on small or large scales with large or small budgets.
Decide on who & how many people
If you aren’t hosting at your house you aren’t cooking so this should be taking place at your home. Next question is – how many people can you accommodate? That may limit how many people you should aim to host.
If you have a large space, I don’t recommend cooking for more than 12 people as it’s a lot of work and the conversation gets increasingly more disjointed with a larger guest list. However, we’ve used these recipes and have hosted sit down dinner parties for up to 25 people before with just myself and husband cooking.
I also don’t recommend a big group for a formal sit down dinner if most people don’t know each other. If you want to keep it intimate so the conversations flow and people build stronger bonds with those they don’t know as well, 6-8 people seems to be the sweet spot.
Budget
Going out to dinner with friends is expensive. It’s less expensive when you host at home. But, the financial burden (and labor) is now falling on you. Figure out what you are willing to spend on this meal. What items do you have that you can use? That will lower the cost.
Pick a date
I like hosting on a weekday because people are committed to leaving early so I have time to clean up. For getting new people together, a weekday makes the commitment seem lower as you aren’t competing with other social activities on the highly coveted weekend. If you have a labor intensive meal, you can prep on a Sunday (day off) and hold it on a Monday. Otherwise, Tuesdays and Wednesdays are great.
If you are hanging out with existing tight friends where you are their highlighted social activity, hosting on a Thursday, Friday, or Saturday can be considered. Otherwise, you’ll be competing with other activities from your potential attendees other social circles and they may not be available.
You’ll want to give people notice. I recommend something at least 2 weeks out but not more than a month out. If it’s too soon, they won’t be available. If it’s too far, they may commit and forget or commit and something else may come up where they need to cancel (work obligations, childcare issues, etc.).
Pick a time
Since it’s a dinner party, usually we do 6p-9p knowing people might linger around until 10p. We’ll have apps around the kitchen (we have an open floorplan) while we finish cooking for the first hour. This allows people with varying schedules to trickle in and for us to finish cooking. Dinner starts in the second hour.
Send out invites
Nothing beats a personalized phone invite. Despite there being so many other ways to communicate, apps available, services to utilize, etc. — a call/text goes a long way. I’ve found the 1:1 invites are always most effective. If you have an open cattle call style invite using services where there’s a guestlist that is visible you need to seed it with ‘yes’ people (that already let you know that they can come and then follow with an invite to said service). From there, you slowly drip new invitees into it (that you don’t know the status of). You don’t want prospects to see a large number of people invited and only a small fraction responded yes, or worse – most that respond no or maybe. That will discourage people from attending. Keeping everything, especially for a small dinner party, done via phone and text is recommended.
If you have a few people you want to invite that you know well or someone you want to center the party around, I would recommend reaching out to them first and making sure they can make the date. If they cannot make it, try adjusting the date.
Follow ups and reminders are necessary. I recommend a week prior and for a dinner party (it’s generally a bigger commitment than a regular party) and then another day before with a copy of all the details they need.
A splash page or event page is great for reference, although not necessary for a dinner party. But, if you are trying to get new people together, it can highlight some of them prior to the dinner so people are a bit warmer. Add each attendees photo, a short one sentence bio on why they’re great, and a link to their socials to encourage future connections between friends. Other details to include would be the event details (day, time, location, parking, any info needed on how to find your space, a loose copy of the meal details, and your phone).
Text Invite References
General invite to see if they’re available
- INVITE 1
Hi <name>, I’m looking to host a dinner party with new and old friends on <day of week>, <month> <date> starting at <time>. Would you come? Can I send you more info? - YES response
Great, I’m excited you can join! We’re at <address>, there’s ample parking out front. Do you have any food allergies or intolerances we should be aware of? - NO response
Would <day of week>, <month> <date> starting at <time> be any better for you?
If you have some key people confirmed, this type of text makes the rest of the invites easier for people to say yes:
- INVITE 2
Hi <name>, I’m hosting a dinner party and have a few people coming I think you’d hit it off with. It’s on <day of week>, <month> <date> starting at <time>. Would you like to join? Can I send you more info? - YES response
Great, I’m excited you to meet <friend name>, I think you two will get along because <xyz>. We’re at <address>, there’s ample parking out front. I’ll be making <main dish and sides>. Look forward to hosting you! - NO Response
No worries! Life is hectic. I’m hoping to do these more frequently, can I invite you to the next one?
If you have the menu set and are not open to changing it for any allergies, you can include your menu items like below:
- INVITE 3
Hi <name>, I’m hosting a dinner party on <day of week>, <month> <date> starting at <time> to bring some new and old friends together! I’ll be making <main dish and sides>. Can you come?
You’ll need to send out a reminder message a week before:
- REMINDER 1
The dinner party is shaping up to be a good one! Look forward to hosting you next week on <day>. Menu is finalized, we’re having <xyz>. If you have time, check out this <Article/TedTalk/video link> as I hope to chat about it.
And another the day of early in the day:
- DAY OF MESSAGE 1
The cooking has begun for dinner tonight! I’ve got a signature cocktail ready to go, apps on deck, and <some awesome people I’m excited for you to meet / and a meal fit for a king / great conversations to be had>. See you at <time>. As reminder, my address is <address> and we have ample parking out front. Look forward to catching up soon!
Preparation Thoughts
Going through these steps will ensure you’re setup for success. You’ll want to fully understand:
- What you are making?
- What it will look like when plated? Are you serving family style or will you be plating or a little both (plate main dish, some passed sides)?
Make a sketch of the table with the family style items and place settings.
If you are plating meals, sketch out how the plate will look.
If you are offering apps, where will they go and what will they look like?
If you will have a bar area, what will it look like?
Leave nothing to chance on the day of. This also helps identify what you may not have/what you need. - How are you serving it?
What is each item going in/on? Do you have enough? If you are plating multiple courses, are you washing plates halfway through?
What is it being served with? Do you have enough?
You can place these items out in advance to see what it looks like (and to save you a step later) - What do you need to pull this off?
A full list of ingredients (including how much), serving ware, utensils, cups, napkins, etc.
Note what you have in the right quantities vs. what you need to buy still. - A timeline of what you are making and when: day by day, hour by hour with who is doing what. Leave extra buffer time in each step.
- A timeline of what you are serving, how, on what, and when: hour by hour
- What you can ask a guest to bring if they offer (usually wine, ice, or dessert are our go-to’s depending on when they ask)
Food
For a dinner party, if you go heavier on the appetizers before sitting down you generally don’t need as large of mains and sides. If you go lighter on the appetizers, you’ll need to go heavier on the mains/sides. Most apps can turn into sides so if you forgo apps and want to sit down after a cocktail, just offer them in a different setting.
Making things the day before or earlier in the day helps reduce stress and keep the scope manageable. We prioritize deciding on easy day of dishes or those with early prep.
Appetizers
- Charcuterie board
- Watermelon with goat cheese and mint
- Watermelon with tajin and mint
- Homemade marinated olives
- Homemade sourdough bread
Mains
Chicken (2 hours, make right before)
Sides
Spinach and beet salad with goat cheese and candied walnuts (make while the chicken is cooking)
Desserts
I generally skip making dessert, it’s one thing that many people aren’t into as much with the current health trends (sugar free, dairy free, carb free). However, if someone asks to bring something, I will see if they wouldn’t mind bringing a dessert and offload the responsibility to them.
Frozen chocolate covered bananas (make ahead)
Drinks
- Do you want wine or cocktails?
- Do you have flavored seltzers (non alcoholic beverages) available?
- Do you have filtered water available?
- Is your group small enough so you can make a fancy shaken cocktail? Or is it big enough where you need a mixed drink you can pre-make and pour from a batch?
- Will you offer other options? If so, do you have mixers and other alcohol available?
Wine
If you are not a wine connoisseur, go to our local liquor store that has a wide variety of wines and tell the what you are making and ask the worker what you should get. They’ll point you in the direction of something that will pair well.
Generally, each person has a welcome glass and two glasses during dinner. Each bottle of wine holds three glasses. If you are only doing wine, you’ll need about one bottle per guest.
- Red Meat – pairs well with a red wine like a malbec
- Chicken (white meat) – usually pairs well with a white wine like a Sauvignon Blanc or Chardonnay
- Chicken (dark meat) – usually pairs well with a medium bodied red wine like Pinot Noir or Zinfandel
- Hearty Pasta – pairs well with medium bodied red wines like Pinot Noir
- Creamy Pasta – pairs with white wines like a chardonnay
- Fish – pairs with a white wine like a Pinot Grigio
Cocktails
I really like the “My Bar” app. You put all the ingredients you own into it, and it tells you what you can make. If anyone comes over, you can give them the app and they can see what’s in stock and what drinks can be made.
If you’re starting from scratch, having these items on hand usually means a well stocked bar:
- Vodka (base)
- Whiskey (base)
- Tequila (base)
- Mezcal (base, more popular these days)
- Gin (base, less popular these days)
- Rum (white) (base, less popular these days)
- Dry Vermouth (liqueurs)
- Sweet Vermouth (liqueurs)
- Amaretto (liqueurs)
- Triple Sec or Cointreau or Grand Marnier — orange flavor (liqueurs)
- Orange Juice (non-alcoholic mixer / filler)
- Cranberry Juice (non-alcoholic mixer / filler)
- Pineapple Juice (non-alcoholic mixer / filler)
- Ginger beer (non-alcoholic mixer / filler)
- Soda water (non-alcoholic mixer / filler)
- Lemon/Lime soda (non-alcoholic mixer / filler)Lemon/Lime soda
- Cola soda (non-alcoholic mixer / filler)
- Ginger Ale (non-alcoholic mixer / filler)
- Lemon Juice / Lemons (additive and garnish)
- Lime Juice / Limes (additive and garnish)
- Simple Syrup (additive)
- Angostura bitters (additive)
- Grenadine (additive)
Offering a signature cocktail and having a cocktail bar is an option at dinner but not required. Generally, if you offer a signature cocktail upon arrival, people will say yes and each have at least one. Some signature cocktail options that are shaken (labor intensive) and others are mixed (can be made in batch) are offered below. If you have a big party, error on the side of batch drinks or designate someone to help play bartender. If it’s a smaller group you can choose either.
When setting up your bar for your dinner, set out the items used in the signature drink, a shaker, a shot measuring glass, stirring rod, a bucket of ice with tongs, and next to it place extra rocks glasses. If you want to allow people to make other drinks, place a few complimentary items to pick from for other drink combos. If you set everything you own out, it turns into a free for all and generally a mess so the advice is less is more.
Old Fashion (shaken)
Prepare your home
- Bathroom should be clean (floor, toilet, mirrors, light switches), soap is full, toilet paper full, hand towels are freshly laundered. I like to add disposable hand napkins in a tray in the bathroom for an elevated touch and incense.
- Lights you want there to be light but not super bright light. Warm lighting is better than cool lighting. How do you want your lighting set when people are coming in? Do you have candles you can add for ambiance? Do a test run. We have smart lights and programmed in a “relax mode” option.
- Smell do you have incense you can add to the bathrooms? Do you have pets and need to cover up odors – if so, do you have a plugin scent like Pura you can use?
- Guest Items Where will you put coats, shoes, and bags? Have this identified before people arrive.
- Kitchen Is your kitchen ready for cooking? Does anything need to be cleaned or washed before you start?
- Dining Area Is your dining space ready for guests? Can you prep anything ahead of time? Do you need to dig out more chairs or a tablecloth?
- General Cleaning Is the area around the kitchen and dining room cleaned and prepped? Vacuumed? floor and counters wiped down? Dusted? Clutter put away? Do you need to hide anything to make more room? Do that ahead of time.
- Pets If you have quiet and friendly pets, they generally can roam about. If you have loud or unfriendly pets, it might be best to put them in a room or outside while guests are over.
- Children If you have kids and they’re old enough, ordering them take out and sending them to their room or the basement to play video games / watch a movie seemse to be acceptable. Another option is to have a baby sitter come during the party.
